"And so, you know you are right."

Tagging?

I'm new to this, well this blog-form anyways, if we're talking freeze tag or cartoon tag then it's game on. But here it is:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write in their own blog about their eight things and include these rules in the post.

4. At the end of your post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Ok and now for 8 random facts (in order as they come to me):

1. I actually enjoy Daniel's rendition of "Lip Gloss," in fact I heard him sing it before Lil Mama and was disappointed when I heard Lil Mama. Now that's a good cover.

2. I refuse to wear peep-toe style shoes. My big toe is slightly shorter than my other toes and since the peep toe only shows where one's big toe would typically appear, my big toe appears to be MIA.

3. I've been diagnosed with a fainting disorder. When I was younger (8-10) I fainted on a regular basis and after months of brain scans and heart monitoring test stuff, doctors were still unable to determine the cause.

4. Places I've fainted: piano recital, piano class, elevators, cars, bathroom (after stepping out of the bath I fainted and managed to give myself a black eye from the porcelain tub, which my best friend told everyone that he had given me for stepping out of line.

5. I'm scared of heights

6. I wish my hair was naturally curly

7. My mother saved two baby birds that had fallen out of their nest during a bad storm. The mother had abandoned them and so my mother scooped them up in their nest and brough them inside. She preheated the oven to the lowest temperature and placed the next on a cookie sheet in the oven (to warm the birds, not cook them). For the next couple of months she chopped up worms dug up by my brothers and I from the garden to feed the baby birds. The birds grew bigger and learned to ride on the handle bars of my bike as I pedaled us around the neighborhood.

8. I had a pet hamster who's intestines fell out of it's body. I woke up to this curious display of medical science and picked up my broken hamster to show my mom, who was still sleeping. She called the vet and took the hamster in to be examined. The vet explained the condition and also explained that surgery was a possibility but he wasn't sure of the survival odds as he did not perform many of them. When my mom relayed this to my father, his response was "of course not, because nobody takes a sick hamster to the vet."

I'll Call Him Stampy

Last week many of the directors were out of the office attending the national conference and expo hosted by our "sister" organization. There were conference calls back and forth as we got more details regarding the hostile take-over attempted on our office that has been underway for almost 12 months (Sidebar, the theme of the National Conference [chosen by our sister organization] is World Domination Tour 2007). After an hour-long conference call, the office executive administer asked us"So, anything exciting happening back there?"


A little background and a rewind to ealier that week. Background: To the immediate rear of our office property is a nature reserve that stretches north, south and east for several miles. We regulary see a small variety of wildlife passing through. At this point the Human/Resources facility person usually announces on the intercom that there is a _______(insert adjective here i.e., cute, quick, lively, little)________(another adjective i.e., brown, multi-colored, large, small)_______(insert noun here i.e., fox, deer, goose, raccoon, duck) outside of ________(insert location, i.e., Scott's office, the conference room). At this point some of us rush to the window to see the wildlife and some even keep binoculars handy to get a closer look.

So earlier that week my office neighbor Heather points out the window and says, "hey is that a tent?" Sure enough, way off into the distance is a modest but brightly colored tent. There is a man who resembles the viral marketing director for chaps ralph lauren sitting a little ways away from the tent. Scott pulls out the binoculars to further investigate.

"Ahhhhhhhhh," Scott rips the binoculars away, "my eyes, my eyes." Turns out we have caught the visitor in a not-so-private act of defocation, which explains the squatting. I'm tempted to pick up the intercom line and announce that there is a homely stranger relieving himself outside of Scott's office. I decide against using the intercom but quickly go to the closest office to announce our guest. Pretty soon there is a small crowd gathered in Scott's office. "What's he doing now?" "Wait, where did he go, I can't see him."

Fastfoward to the conference call with the office administrator later that week. "So, anything exciting happening back there?" Second in command, the exam director, replies with "Actually we have a homeless guy living out back and we're feeding him donuts."

But the next day we arrive to see that Stampy is packing up the tent. I wonder where he will go. I've gotten attached to him these last few days and truly I'm sad that he is leaving us. Maybe he will come back. If you love something you have to set it free . . .

I love Wal-Mart

Reason #37

A couple of weeks ago I decided to return some drapes that I had impulse bought a few days before. I hadn't even hung them to see if I like them or not when buyer's remorse was already setting in. I gathered up the bag and headed to Wal-Mart mid-morning on a Saturday.

I love Wal-Mart for the cultural experience, (especially the cultural experience found at the N. 27th street location) and that's why I chose mid-morning on a Saturday to do my returning. I head to customer service and see that the line is curling out of the customer service cave and spilling into the main front aisle. Doesn't worry me. I've got nothing but time and an entire store full of prime people-watching candidates. I'm about 10th in line when a petite woman in her late fifties takes her place behind me.

"Whoa, what a line!" she says.
I reply with, "oh yeah, Saturday morning though, everybody's out."
"Do you think they can look up my store card?" she asks.
"Hmmm, I don't know" (I didn't even know Wal-Mart offered a store card).
"I have an account, but I can't find the card and I need to charge my shopping today."
"oh, hmm, I'm not sure if the can do that or not."
"They look up my account at Sears"
"oh."
"All the time, even"
"oh."
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm filing for bankruptcy next month anyways."
"oh."
"I just can't find a job as good as the last one."
Finally something I felt I could add a little more to than just 'oh'. "Well, the job market is tight right now, I have friends that are looking for jobs."
"Well, they fired me from my last job because they don't think I'm over my granddaughter being murdered."
"oh." (I'm back to the ohs, but inside my head I'm shouting "holy crap lady!").
"My daughter's boyfriend murdered her, NOT the baby's father — he's in jail. He never even knew Alli existed."
"oh."
"It's because of those projects she was living in, in Omaha."
(I wasn't aware of any "projects" in Omaha.) "oh," I reply.
"A lot of B-L-A-C-K-Ss," she spells.
Now I look around in horror. This woman has a voice that carries and I smile nervously at the black shoppers ahead and behind me in line. I'm hoping that my facial expressions convey that I don't know this woman, I just met her, and I LIKE BLACK PEOPLE.


I chose this as Reason #37 because I was inspired by a beer billboard on West "O" that reads Golden Rule Number 23: Never have rims that are worth more than your car. I like that billboard. And I like the silliness of starting with #23. At least I haven't seen 1-22 anywhere around town. So I'm starting off my I love Wal-Mart series with #37.