I love Wal-Mart

Reason #37

A couple of weeks ago I decided to return some drapes that I had impulse bought a few days before. I hadn't even hung them to see if I like them or not when buyer's remorse was already setting in. I gathered up the bag and headed to Wal-Mart mid-morning on a Saturday.

I love Wal-Mart for the cultural experience, (especially the cultural experience found at the N. 27th street location) and that's why I chose mid-morning on a Saturday to do my returning. I head to customer service and see that the line is curling out of the customer service cave and spilling into the main front aisle. Doesn't worry me. I've got nothing but time and an entire store full of prime people-watching candidates. I'm about 10th in line when a petite woman in her late fifties takes her place behind me.

"Whoa, what a line!" she says.
I reply with, "oh yeah, Saturday morning though, everybody's out."
"Do you think they can look up my store card?" she asks.
"Hmmm, I don't know" (I didn't even know Wal-Mart offered a store card).
"I have an account, but I can't find the card and I need to charge my shopping today."
"oh, hmm, I'm not sure if the can do that or not."
"They look up my account at Sears"
"oh."
"All the time, even"
"oh."
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm filing for bankruptcy next month anyways."
"oh."
"I just can't find a job as good as the last one."
Finally something I felt I could add a little more to than just 'oh'. "Well, the job market is tight right now, I have friends that are looking for jobs."
"Well, they fired me from my last job because they don't think I'm over my granddaughter being murdered."
"oh." (I'm back to the ohs, but inside my head I'm shouting "holy crap lady!").
"My daughter's boyfriend murdered her, NOT the baby's father — he's in jail. He never even knew Alli existed."
"oh."
"It's because of those projects she was living in, in Omaha."
(I wasn't aware of any "projects" in Omaha.) "oh," I reply.
"A lot of B-L-A-C-K-Ss," she spells.
Now I look around in horror. This woman has a voice that carries and I smile nervously at the black shoppers ahead and behind me in line. I'm hoping that my facial expressions convey that I don't know this woman, I just met her, and I LIKE BLACK PEOPLE.


I chose this as Reason #37 because I was inspired by a beer billboard on West "O" that reads Golden Rule Number 23: Never have rims that are worth more than your car. I like that billboard. And I like the silliness of starting with #23. At least I haven't seen 1-22 anywhere around town. So I'm starting off my I love Wal-Mart series with #37.