The SSDBRD (Self-Service Dead Bird Removal Department) Double-Bags It

So Jamie (my replacement hippi roommate) mentions that we have a dead bird out by the sidewalk. "Don't we need to call someone," she asks?

So I call Animal Control and get a hold of Sherry who asks me a series of questions—Name, Date of Birth, Address, location of dead bird. Then she asks me what kind of bird it is. I don't know. In fact I didn't even go and look at the dead bird, I just took Jamie's word that it was dead, thinking that would be the most important detail to this call. So I put Sherry on hold (I cover the mouthpiece of my cell phone) and ask Jamie what kind of bird it is. She doesn't know either. Sherry asks if we think it is a crow or blue-jay or sparrow. No we don't think it is. Sherry then says that she only tests crows and blue-jays and sparrows, "ok, just go ahead and double-bag it and throw it away."

Hhhmmm. Thanks for all your help Sherry this has been a deligh. . .WAIT JUST A MINUTE. I'M SUPPOSED TO PICK UP THIS DEAD BIRD? ME?? I don't think so sher-bear.

So the bird is still dead and still on my sidewalk. I'm thinking of calling back tomorrow and pretending to be someone else reporting a dead "crow-like" bird near the same address. And if I don't get any further I might call the Bat removal professionals located in the Mariposa building on 12th and G street. No doubt they will be more helpful than Sherry.