The SSDBRD (Self-Service Dead Bird Removal Department) Double-Bags It

So Jamie (my replacement hippi roommate) mentions that we have a dead bird out by the sidewalk. "Don't we need to call someone," she asks?

So I call Animal Control and get a hold of Sherry who asks me a series of questions—Name, Date of Birth, Address, location of dead bird. Then she asks me what kind of bird it is. I don't know. In fact I didn't even go and look at the dead bird, I just took Jamie's word that it was dead, thinking that would be the most important detail to this call. So I put Sherry on hold (I cover the mouthpiece of my cell phone) and ask Jamie what kind of bird it is. She doesn't know either. Sherry asks if we think it is a crow or blue-jay or sparrow. No we don't think it is. Sherry then says that she only tests crows and blue-jays and sparrows, "ok, just go ahead and double-bag it and throw it away."

Hhhmmm. Thanks for all your help Sherry this has been a deligh. . .WAIT JUST A MINUTE. I'M SUPPOSED TO PICK UP THIS DEAD BIRD? ME?? I don't think so sher-bear.

So the bird is still dead and still on my sidewalk. I'm thinking of calling back tomorrow and pretending to be someone else reporting a dead "crow-like" bird near the same address. And if I don't get any further I might call the Bat removal professionals located in the Mariposa building on 12th and G street. No doubt they will be more helpful than Sherry.

do you smell your age?

Last week my marketing department met with an outside marketing firm to discuss strategic planning (yes, this invloves "strategery") and the launching of a new product.

We tossed around the usual marketing jargon and posed some options. I was distracted from contributing my usual 100% due to the cloud of stank surrounding the visiting marketer. He appeared to be in his late sixties. He had age spots. His hair was very wiry and gray. It frizzed out from the sides and back of his head, leaving a crop-circle of sun-worn skin on top. I couldn't stop trying to pin-point the smell, but thanks to my very first job as a nursing home dietary aid, it was a smell I had encountered before.

I decided to google "why do old people smell" and this is what I came up with.

I noticed recently while chatting to an elderly fellow that old people have a distinctive smell. Babies have a distinctive smell but I attributed this to a diet of milk/formula. Why do old people smell old?

From: DigitalRadio1918 19/10/99 10:53:16
Subject: re: Old people smell post id: 984
Steve This one's for you.

You said it not me.

DigitalRadio1918

Bye the way Catie is not me.

Love ya Catie.

From: Simon 19/10/99 11:50:45
Subject: re: Old people smell post id: 999
They smell because they all eat dog food because of the standard of living the Howard regime left old people in. You would smell to if you ate dog food for every meal!

From: brad 19/10/99 12:45:36
Subject: re: Old people smell post id: 1016
It's not dog food - it's a combination of urine and disillusionment. Chemically, it may be a precursor to formaldehyde.
I love old people. I just couldn't eat a whole one.
brad


What do old people smell of. Please pick one or add your own:

Spaghetti
Deap Heat
Wet cardboard
Wet dogs
Corned beef
Bingo halls
Fust
Melted plastic
all of the above
you'll find out soon enough
necrotizing flesh
Human Fermentation
Mold spores
Ben-Gay
Moth Balls
DEPENDS!
Vitamins and wet skin
icy hot
Teresa Heinz Kerry
death
Musty books


I guess I'm not the only one out here who has noticed this trend. Personally I think that elderly people generally have an unpleasant aroma, but its not always the same brand of unpleasantness. I think our visiting marketer was more of a discouragement/musty linens combo.

World, here you go.

YOU HAD OSO WITH OUT ME?

Karen says: (12:33:16 PM)
I almost called you but I was going to the dog run and eating on the way and I know you probably wouldn't want to go to the dog run.

Karen says: (12:33:27 PM)
I onlly wish the OSO was a little less expensive.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:33:43 PM)
well.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:33:46 PM)
you pay for what you get.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:33:54 PM)
deliciousness.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:34:03 PM)
and no stomach ache afterwards.

Karen says: (12:34:15 PM)
but i feel that it is on the same level as the veggie from de leons, and de leons is cheaper.

Karen says: (12:34:36 PM)
plus they have the lard included in the purchase price

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:34:38 PM)
i think they are pretty different.

Karen says: (12:34:46 PM)
different but equal in quality

Karen says: (12:35:17 PM)
both large, both delicious

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:35:23 PM)
i wouldn't say equal in quality of ingredients. or cleverness in putting things together.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:35:49 PM)
de leon's fulfills the greasy fast food niche and OSO moves up to casual dining.

Karen says: (12:36:42 PM)
Is OSO organic? If they were then I would say they should be more expensive. Oso moves into casual dining only by dining ambiance within establishment. Since I got the OSO to go, they are on the same level.

Karen says: (12:37:21 PM)
If OSO used a lard tortilla I would relinquish a point for cleverness in putting things together.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:37:24 PM)
i don't know if htey're organic. they use better ingredients, hands down.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:37:44 PM)
but moving on.

Karen says: (12:37:45 PM)
not if they're shopping at super saver with the greatful bread proprietors.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:37:53 PM)
well, you don't know that.

Karen says: (12:38:01 PM)
neither do you!

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:38:09 PM)
moving on!

Karen says: (12:38:23 PM)
i think we should open this discussion up to the blogger community (lincoln based, that is)

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:38:48 PM)
why not open it up to the world!

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:39:10 PM)
but scott would say he likes chipotle the best.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:39:21 PM)
and chipotle doesn't count because it's not local. and then there's the argument about that.

Elenita, witch woman says: (12:39:37 PM)
have you checked my blog lately?

Team Phartman (pronounced fartman)

I'd like to report that Team Phartman (that's "P" for Parks and "Hartman" for er, Hartman) has been steadily improving their cornhole/Joe Dummy/Bean bag skills. I'd like to give a shout out to Ben Yancer who really boosted my corn-hole self-confidence.

Look out for Thursday, as "it will have been broughten."